what are red flags to look for in a guy

Then you recall you're dating the perfect adult female; y'all immediately hit it off with her, she looks fantastic – and your friends beloved her.

Simply something isn't quite right. Arguments continue breaking out, and tension is building.

When things aren't going right, it's important to recognize red flags in women. Place them sooner rather than later, and you can work to resolve problems or end the relationship before anyone gets injure.

I've had my share of rocky relationships and wish I'd learned to recognize these cerise flags these months earlier than I did.

That's why I've plugged myself into the Reddit hivemind to save you the pain. I'm sharing the most common ruby-red flags men noticed – often too late to relieve themselves.

The red flags in women are:

She Criticizes You
She Treats You With Contempt
She Gets Defensive
She Stonewalls You
She Has Different Cleaning Habits
She Has Poor Self-Esteem
She Speaks To Her Ex Regularly
She Is A Drama Queen
She Does Not Read
She Is On The Phone With You 24/7
She Shares Other People's Secrets With You
She Plays Games With You
She Is Using You lot To Crook

These first iv points come up as a bundle deal. They result from the 40 years of experience John Gottman has as a recognized relationship skilful and professor emeritus at the Academy of Washington.

He says men should be on the lookout for criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Together, he calls them the four horsemen of an apocalyptic relationship.

#1 She's Always Criticizing You

Now there's a big divergence between lament and criticizing:

Complaining is, "I was concerned when you were running tardily and didn't call me."

Criticizing is "You lot're not forgetful, you're selfish. You never call back of me!"

See the difference?

Everyone lashes out and criticizes from time to fourth dimension; we're only human. Just, repeatedly using y'all equally an emotional punching bag shouldn't be tolerated and can atomic number 82 to the other iii horsemen.

#two She Treats Yous With Contempt

To treat someone with antipathy means using mockery, sarcasm, and disrespect. Essentially, it means your girlfriend is not taking discussions seriously.

What effect is this going to have on y'all? It will make you feel unloved and devalued. Nobody deserves this, so if this seems familiar, you should work on this as a couple.

#iii She Gets Defensive

The 3rd horseman of an apocalyptic human relationship comes from blaming other people for their problems.

When someone makes a mistake, they tin can either say pitiful and admit they made a mistake or defend themself. Defensiveness volition only escalate the disharmonize, though; it places the blame on someone else.

In life, but especially in a relationship, 'pitiful' is a golden word. If your girlfriend won't say it to yous and own her mistakes (because nobody is flawless), then this is a sign for you.

(Pro tip: proverb "I'thou sad you're upset" doesn't count!)

#four She Stonewalls Y'all When At that place Is A Problem

refusal to engage is a red flag in women

Stonewalling is an alternative route to antipathy that people in a relationship sometimes take. Instead of your girlfriend not taking a conversation seriously, she refuses to engage.

John Gottman says refusing to talk, acting busy, or otherwise evading and refusing to participate with yous means your girlfriend is physiologically flooded and is not in a place where she can accept a rational give-and-take.

If this sounds familiar, you demand to have a suspension. For some people, information technology could be as little equally twenty minutes to at-home downwardly; for others, information technology could be days or more, in which case you might want to consider if you are committed to the human relationship.

This adjacent red flag I saw come upwardly frequently on Reddit:

#5 She Has Different Cleaning Habits To You

This 1 seems small, correct? But, it can pb to arguments.

Does your girlfriend like things tidier than you lot? She volition constantly exist upset with yous for not cleaning up more than often.

Does your girlfriend non tidy up later on herself? She volition become increasingly frustrated yous can't leave things where they are.

The frustration between the two of you volition build over time, and this is a deeply ingrained habit that is very hard to alter.

Information technology's non incommunicable to overcome, but I strongly suggest you lot find out how tidy your girlfriend is earlier making whatever major decisions.

#six She Needs Constant Reassurance

This red flag in women might seem harsh, but it's the truth.

If your girlfriend cannot make themselves happy, they will drain all your willpower and mental energy trying to practise it for them.

Everyone needs an emotional pick-me-up now and then. Merely if y'all are constantly doing that for her, when can she do that for y'all?

One of the most challenging life lessons I've learned is: You have to love yourself before yous can honey someone else.

#7 She's E'er Speaking To Her Ex

I'yard going to come correct out and say information technology, your girlfriend chatting to her ex regularly if they broke up less than 6 months agone is an awful sign.

Chatting to an ex from fourth dimension to fourth dimension is ok. I would even argue that a girl blocking every one of her exes is a red flag all of its own.

But, frequent contact with her immediate ex indicates the relationship is not entirely over. You should prepare yourself for the fact in that location is a good hazard you could end up becoming 'the rebound swain.'

#8 She'south A Drama Queen

Does this one audio familiar?

Somehow, nobody has information technology worse than your girlfriend. Everything is a lather opera, and everyone has a vendetta against her – or and so she says.

Engaging in oneupmanship is a contest with no winner.

As one Redditor put it:

"If you're sick, she's on her deathbed."

You won't feel emotionally supported, which is incredibly important.

#9 She Does Not Read Or Push button Herself To Grow

If y'all're anything like me, you lot beloved to read. Perhaps you lot nourish courses at the local college or university to aggrandize your horizons; perhaps y'all're but a generally curious person. If your girlfriend isn't interested in reading and learning or fifty-fifty looks downward on these things, that's a terrible sign.

As a quick litmus test, enquire a girl on a beginning date if she is reading a book currently. If she hasn't read whatsoever book in the terminal year, you lot might want to enquire why that is. Life can be hectic, just a twelvemonth is a long time.

Ultimately, you are the sum of the people with which you lot surround yourself. How can you learn and grow as a person if your girlfriend or wife is non developing aslope you and not encouraging y'all?

Want to recommend a volume to your girlfriend? Hither are 25 books everyone should read.

#10 She's On The Phone To You 24/seven

I love when my wife messages me when she's out and about. Information technology tells me she's thinking of me. There'south a natural limit to this, though.

Here's what i Redditor said almost an ex:

"When I told her we texted too much, she would text me proverb there were things she wanted to text me about merely didn't considering she idea I would get mad at her for texting."

If your girlfriend is messaging yous every hour of the twenty-four hours and expecting you to answer every time, this is overstepping natural boundaries. It will make it the fashion of you lot doing focused, productive work and spending quality time with friends and family out of business organisation hours.

Find out how often you should text a woman you've just met.

#11 She Shares Other People'southward Secrets With Y'all

Gossip is tricky, but information technology has played an essential function in society for thousands of years – later on all, how would one human know another man is a expert hunter without already going hunting with them? They would hear information technology on the grapevine.

Gossip is i thing only what you should never exercise is share another person's secrets. If your girlfriend does this, she breaks a bond of trust with her friends by going behind their backs. It also means she is likely sharing your secrets too, and so be careful what you say.

Here's a tongue twister a Redditor said they heard every bit a child:

"What Susie says of Emerge says more than of Susie than of Sally."

Think about it, what's worse? Someone doing something embarrassing or someone gleefully telling the world about it?

#12 She Plays Games With Y'all And Your Feelings

It doesn't thing if you're 18 or 88. However old you are, I promise you you're besides old for a daughter who plays games. Enough said.

I'll let the Reddit hivemind sum upwards here:

"We're not in high school, and yous aren't on the Bachelorette. Exist honest, sincere, and forthcoming, and we'll get along just fine. I'chiliad in my mid-thirties and thus am as well old and rickety to spring through hoops."

#13 She's Using You lot To Cheat On Someone Else

They volition tell you you're different from their exes, and they would never exercise information technology to you. Reality cheque: you're non 'dissimilar from their exes'

The hard truth is, they will break upward with you lot too when the next 'Mr. Right' comes along.

It can be challenging to face up objective facts when you're in a relationship. I hope knowing these ruby flags in women assistance y'all recognize if you're in a problematic human relationship or, if yous don't see whatsoever of these, peradventure capeesh what yous've got!

Resource

Lisita, Ellie. 2013. "The 4 Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling." The Gottman Institute. Link

Reddit:

Relationship Red Flags – what did you ignore and later regret? Link
What are some subtle relationship reddish flags that are frequently disregarded? Link
What are some major crimson flags in women you should never ignore? Link
What is an firsthand ruby-red flag nigh someone? Link

Click beneath to watch the video – 10 Things Women Notice That Guys Are OBLIVIOUS Nigh

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Source: https://www.realmenrealstyle.com/relationship-red-flags-women/